So I missed meditating on Friday, caught up yesterday and just did it this morning. I am not feeling at peace, calm, or centered at all. As a matter of fact my experience while I'm trying to learn how to do this is that I have about 30 doors in my head... during the meditation period, I scurry from one to the other, opening each door hoping there will be the quiet - the release from all this thinking that I do... but to no avail. Today in particular, I am feeling like a meditating failure.
I deeply believe though that this is something I need and want in my life. Much like I have incorporated exercise as a permanent thing, I need to learn to meditate. I guess just like exercising was hard to get on top of, to make so much a part of my daily life - and it was a challenge let me tell you - meditating is going to remain challenging. As I write that I really feel like I'm setting myself up for a "bad" or hard experience. There's a part of me that says if I just accept that I have 30 doors to deal with at every meditation, and "accept that" ... then that will be my experience and it won't change. And now I don't feel like I am making much sense.